Dating Advice We Wish People Would Stop Giving

Summary: After nearly 28 years of matchmaking, we’ve heard every piece of dating advice imaginable. Some of it is genuinely great. Some of it is harmless. And some of it has probably kept perfectly wonderful people single for way longer than necessary. Here’s the dating advice we’d happily retire forever, and what we’d replace it with instead.

Let’s talk about dating advice for a second.

As matchmakers, we hear a lot of it. From clients, from well-meaning friends of clients, from articles, from podcasts, from that one married neighbor who hasn’t been on a first date since the Clinton administration but still has very strong opinions about modern romance.

And here’s the thing: most of it comes from a genuinely good place. Your friends mean well. Your coworkers mean well. Everyone means well.

But good intentions don’t always produce good dating advice. And after nearly three decades of introducing singles and watching what actually creates lasting relationships, there are a few pieces of widely shared wisdom we would happily retire forever.

Ready? Let’s get into it.

“You’ll Know Right Away”

Will you though?

Because in our experience, most people don’t. And the ones who claim they did are usually looking back through a very rose-colored rearview mirror.

Hollywood absolutely loves this one. Two people lock eyes across a crowded room. Fireworks. Music swells. Credits roll. It’s very cinematic and almost completely unlike real life.

In real life, many of the strongest relationships we’ve ever watched develop started with something far less dramatic. “He seemed really nice.” “She was so easy to talk to.” “I’d definitely like to see him again.” Not exactly the stuff of romance novels. But honestly? That quiet, comfortable curiosity is often the foundation of something genuinely wonderful.

If you’re out here waiting for lightning bolts every single time you meet someone new, you are going to overlook some truly exceptional people. Some of the best relationships we’ve ever seen started with curiosity, not certainty. Give people a chance to surprise you before you decide the spark isn’t there.

“Trust Your Gut”

Okay, before anyone starts composing an angry email, hear us out.

Sometimes your gut is absolutely, completely right. We believe in intuition. We use it ourselves every single day when making introductions.

But sometimes? Your gut is reacting to old patterns. Old wounds. Old habits. Old attractions that, if we’re being really honest here, haven’t exactly worked out brilliantly in the past.

If your dating history includes a recurring theme of the same kind of relationship ending the same kind of way, your gut might need a little supervision. A better question to ask yourself isn’t “does this feel right?” but rather “is this a healthy instinct, or just a familiar one?” Those two things can feel identical in the moment and lead to very different places down the road.

“Play Hard to Get”

Please. We are begging.

If you’re interested in someone, act interested. If they send a thoughtful message, respond to it. If you genuinely enjoy spending time with them, let them know. This is not complicated, and it is not a strategy, it’s just basic human decency.

In nearly 28 years of matchmaking, we have never once spoken to a happily married couple who told us the secret to their relationship was strategic confusion. Not one time. Maturity is attractive. Authenticity is attractive. Games are exhausting, and they keep wonderful connections from ever getting off the ground.

If someone is the right fit for you, showing genuine interest isn’t going to scare them away. It’s going to draw them closer.

“The Spark Is Everything”

The spark matters. We are absolutely not saying it doesn’t. Chemistry is real, and it counts.

But the spark is not everything, and treating it like it is has led a lot of people away from genuinely great relationships and toward ones that were exciting but ultimately going nowhere.

Here’s what we’ve seen play out hundreds of times: relationships that started with absolutely electric chemistry and ended in spectacular, messy disaster. We’ve also watched attraction build steadily and beautifully between two people who simply enjoyed each other’s company, respected each other, and gave the connection room to grow.

Don’t confuse excitement with compatibility. They are not the same thing. Excitement is what gets your attention. Character is what determines whether the relationship actually survives.

“There’s Always Someone Better Around the Corner”

Dating apps didn’t invent this mindset, but they certainly put it on turbo mode.

So many singles today are stuck in a constant state of searching. The next profile. The next option. The next possibility. And somewhere in all that endless browsing, actual connection never gets a real chance to happen.

At some point, you have to stop shopping and start choosing. Nobody builds a real, lasting relationship with someone they’re constantly comparing to imaginary alternatives. The “someone better around the corner” mentality keeps people perpetually available and perpetually alone, and that is a genuinely sad outcome for people who are actually ready for something real.

“Never Settle”

This might be the most misunderstood piece of dating advice in circulation right now, and we want to be really clear about what we actually mean here.

You should absolutely never settle for someone who treats you poorly. Never settle for disrespect. Never settle for dishonesty or unkindness or someone who makes you feel small. On that, we are completely aligned with this advice.

But here’s what a lot of people hear instead: “never compromise.” And those are two very, very different things.

No partner is going to check every single box. No relationship is going to be perfect. The goal was never perfection. The goal is finding someone whose values, character, and vision for life genuinely align with yours, and then choosing to build something together. That’s not settling. That’s how real, lasting partnership actually works.

So, What’s the Dating Advice We’d Actually Give?

After nearly three decades of doing this, here’s what we know creates real, lasting connection:

Curiosity over certainty. Give people a genuine chance before you decide. The strongest relationships often start quietly.

Consistency over chemistry. Character determines longevity. A spark gets your attention, but integrity keeps the relationship alive.

Authenticity over strategy. Show up as yourself. Be interested when you’re interested. Be honest when something isn’t working. Stop playing games that exhaust everyone involved.

Connection over comparison. Stop scrolling for something better and start investing in what’s actually in front of you. Real relationships require real commitment to the process.

Compromise over perfection. Look for someone whose strengths and values align with your life, not someone who checks every item on a list you wrote ten years ago.

The next time a well-meaning friend, coworker, or neighbor with very strong opinions offers you a piece of dating advice, just take a beat and ask yourself: is this advice actually helping people build healthy, happy relationships? Or is it just something that sounds good?

Because sometimes the best dating advice is knowing exactly which dating advice to ignore.

And if you’re ready to work with two people whose dating advice comes from nearly 28 years of actually watching what works, we would love to talk. Come have a conversation with us, and let’s figure out together what your next chapter could look like.

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